My dear friends,
If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that when I was 21-years-old, my dad unexpectedly passed away. This past summer marked the 15-year anniversary of his death. I’ve been very open and honest here about how I manage my relationship with grief and how I managed such a huge unexpected loss, and truthfully I thought that I had kind of figured the whole grief thing out. But recently, I was reminded that grief isn’t something that you can ever figure out, and that the waves of it stick with you forever.
I am currently going through some very big changes in my personal life that have brought up a range of emotions within me, most interestingly a resurgence of my grief. For whatever reason, during this period of change and uncertainty for me, it’s almost as if my mind and heart is suspended in reality and forgets that my dad is gone. I’ve instinctively felt the urge to reach out to him to talk about things, even after 15 years of him being gone. The subconscious upheaval has been so strange and unsettling, and of course, makes me feel like I’m right back in those early stages of grief again. The sadness that I’ve felt lately mirrors the sadness I felt when it was fresh in 2007, and for a moment I sat in disbelief not even understanding this was possible.
How could I feel this intense wave of sadness even after so much time?
What I’ve learned from this, and why I wanted to share this with you all this week is because this experience for me reaffirms that the journey of grief never really ends, and it is a constant, continuous wave of so many emotions. Every new chapter of life will present new experiences and new feelings that will force you to face the loss and your longing, and in each new phase it will probably feel different.
Dearest friends, the biggest lesson for me is that no matter how many years go by, and for however long you’ve experienced feelings of acceptance, and you might even feel over your grief all together, remember that there will be moments in life that may call the tides of grief back in. I have often said, grief is the reminder of a love that was present, and real, and even though that love, in its original form, doesn’t exist any more, the love is still present. This brings me comfort because I will always be grateful for love, regardless of it’s form.
I hope this is helpful to anyone experiencing grief or loss, sending you all so much love.