I recently received a few requests to talk about heartache, heartbreak, and maneuvering through break-ups. I sat on these requests for a while, and probably have avoided delving too much into romantic relationship content, mostly because I feel like this is an area in my life that I’m still working through and figuring out. But that is life, isn’t it!
We are all continuously learning, growing, and moving through new experiences. Truth be told, I have had some wicked romantic encounters, and I’ve learned so much from them, so I can authentically share from that space in hopes of helping or inspiring all of you.
There’s something uniquely devastating when separating from a romantic partner. When I think back to each of my break ups in life, they all were incredibly challenging and painful. It’s as though there’s a certain part of our heart that breaks the worst, when we lose a significant other. That part of the heart requires some extra love and care to mend itself. I’ll never forget my thought process during a particularly difficult separation. I remember thinking that I was going to be forever upset about a relationship that didn’t work out. I literally thought I was going to be stressing over it, until the day I die. It might sound dramatic, but that’s exactly what was going through my mind at the time!
Day after day I got up, put one foot in front of the other, and as time went on, the pain began to lift. The process wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t over night. However, I can say with full certainty that releasing that attachment was one of the more emotionally challenging things I have ever had to do, and here I am, on the other side of heartache, living, breathing, and thriving. So I know for certain that this is possible to achieve!
I am sure at one point or another you have experienced that gut-wrenching, soul shaking, life-changing break-up that leaves you feeling listless and breathless. I’m not exactly sure what it is about break-ups that make it feel like life may not go on, or that you are not going to be ok again, but somehow these thoughts tend to creep in our minds when we go through these periods, and we believe them to be true.
Even though I can’t explain the physical chemistry of why break-ups feel this way, or give you five simple tips to never have to go through it ever again, I can share with you positive reminders to lift your spirit and assure you that you are not alone.
I hope this gives you a boost if you’re going through heartache now, or if you know someone who is in a time of need.
1. Remember, these feelings will pass. When I was going to the aforementioned break-up, I was given a bracelet with the saying “this too shall pass” engraved on it. I wore that thing every single day, and relied on its message through the very dark and difficult moments. Though it might feel cliche, the message is true. Whatever you’re feeling now is not permanent. Find ease in knowing this truth.
2. Regretting the love you gave, won’t make the pain go away. I spent so much time living in the feeling of regret for the love that I shared. Perhaps it’s a protection mechanism to keep us from getting hurt again, but I honestly believe that love is never wasted. The love that we gave to someone else in that moment was the love that particular moment required. Honor yourself for the love you gave, and the love you received.
3. However difficult this situation may feel, take comfort in the truth, that it is teaching you something you need to know. Boy oh boy was this hard for me! Like I said before, I have learned so much from my relationships, and I’m so grateful for it all… now. Even if you’re in the thick of it, try to take yourself into the future where you know you will be older, wiser, so much better equipped to take on a new relationship.
4. You are not a failure, and you are never unlovable. Just because a relationship ran it’s course, does not mean it didn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean that you did something to ruin it, and it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you for no longer being apart of it. The truth is, not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime, and that in no way reflects on your ability to have lasting, meaningful relationships. It certainly does not define your worthiness for love.
5. You are stronger and more capable than you realize. Even though the heart may break, and it might feel like it can never come back together again, we are so much more resilient than we give ourselves credit for being. Take care of yourself, and strengthen the relationship that you have with yourself. As you nurture, honor, and cherish the person that you are, know that (if you are wanting one), a new relationship is always just on the horizon.
I hope these reminders help you through heartache and difficult moments in your relationships. Deep down, I know that there isn’t much that can be said to lessen the blow or ease the pain, but shifting our mindsets to a more positive place can be a huge relief. I would love to hear your thoughts on managing heartbreak, and any tips you have on getting through those rough patches.
Let’s keep the conversation going in the comments!
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Michelle is Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life's Creative Director and resident writer. She has a degree in Journalism from Indiana University and is also a certified holistic health coach through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and registered yoga teacher with trainings with Anuttara Yoga Shala and Strala Yoga. Michelle has a deep desire to help people find happiness in all areas of their lives, and truly believes the Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life movement will bring lasting change to the world. Michelle splits her time between Florida and New York City and loves connecting with people from all over the world. If you'd like to contact her, she can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org